I
am amazed at the number of spouses who choose not to love one another anymore,
because of habits and character flaws in the person they vowed to cherish
forever. They forsake compassion, and choose the self-centered option to hold
grudges and unforgiveness.
Focusing
on each other's negative traits, criticizing them - even silently in our mind,
and nursing bad attitudes toward them, directly destroys our affections for
them - tearing the fabric of our love and our commitment to our relationship.
God
loves us, even while we are still sinners, and the Holy Spirit wants to develop
this attitude in us as well (Romans 15:7). We encourage one another, rather
than criticize, and we cherish the good qualities in our spouse (1
Thessalonians5:11).
We
are all imperfect, and love is a choice; so focusing on our mate's positive
qualities, giving them the benefit of the doubt, and having patience with them
(Philippians 4:8), or simply accepting their imperfections, will foster love in
our relationship.
One
cleansing practice in every marriage is to catch one another doing positive
things and complimenting them for it. An additional option is to set aside
times to discuss one issue that bothers us. This helps us to inform one another
of aspects about which we may be clueless.
Clamming
up, nagging or leaving hints is not very helpful. However, if we vow not to get
defensive and to keep an open mind, planning times to communicate one issue at
a time, we can pledge to help each other to change that behavior with God's
wisdom.
God
is working in each of us, so praying together about the issue will get better
results than allowing resentment to grow. Making a list of our mate's positive
qualities, and expressing gratitude for these traits is also a positive
practice - so leave a positive note or send a text or an email.
Prayer:
Father
God, please help us to love our mate with their love language, and not in the
way that we think is best. Help us to be grateful for them, to cherish their
place in our life, and not to take them for granted. Help us to realize that
refocusing on our partner's strengths fosters our positive affections for them
and keeps us committed to them.
Your
Word teaches us that commitment allows our love for one another to grow in
depth and value (Philippians 4:8). Remind us to stop taking our mate for
granted, and to appreciate who they are, and all that they do for us each day;
so that we will actually cherish them with all of our heart. This way, even as
we age, our love grows deeper with each passing day.
Thought
for the Day:
If
couples have an impasse in desires and needs and hopes, we can always find a
third option that we can both look forward to seeing fulfilled; some issues
between marriage partners may never be resolved, unless we vow to do God's will
rather than our own.
