Marrying
someone who does not cherish and delight in us, who does not have a compatible
world view or marital goals as we do, who shows little interest in what
interests us, and who is quite capable of living their life without us, is
marital suicide.
However,
if we meet someone who supports us, is vulnerable enough to share his/her true
feelings with us, who actually listens to us and considers our needs and
desires before making decisions that affect us, who wants to improve our life
by serving us as they serve the Lord, and who is willing to seek God's will together
for each day of our life, we can rest assured that our marriage will succeed.
Therefore,
marrying the right person for the right reasons is of paramount importance to
both of us. This makes learning to accept our spouse just the way he/she is much
easier, and will provide our soul with much needed peace.
After
we are married, we may discover that there are hidden issues between us that need
to be addressed for our safety and well-being. These cannot be accepted and
tolerated. A time of separation, for the purpose of reconciliation, is always
recommended in these cases.
Trained
counselors can help us to negotiate these troubled waters, if both partners are
willing to change certain aspects of our attitude and behavior. If one partner
refuses counseling, and sees no fault in their words or actions, then
separation may also be the only real option.
In
most cases, however, the trouble between us arises from our soul - due to our own
past woundedness, as well as our unrealistic expectations of one another. We,
or our mate, may attempt to change in order to please the other, but we usually
revert right back to our former behavior. This frustrates us and makes us feel
unloved.
However,
working through these issues together helps us to abandon our unrealistic
expectations, to dwell together with more compassion, and to develop a deeper
sense of understanding of who we married. Our respect and acceptance of one
another grows. This way, we serve one another in love.
We
will not feel frustrated and irritated with our spouse's mistakes and idiosyncrasies
when we accept him/her from God's perspective. Our whole-hearted support of
our mate, and showing and feeling gratitude for their strengths, rather than
focusing on and complaining about their faults, will improve our relationship
and compatibility.
As
we take responsibility for nurturing our self, and meeting our own needs in the
same way that we minister to others; and at the same time, as we grow in our
intimacy with God, we give God's Spirit the time and opportunity to work His
saving grace in our life, as well as in our spouse's life.
Some
of our needs will never be met by our mate, but God will teach us how to meet
them for our self in other ways. He also arranges for those needs to be met by
His love within us, and by His continual provision in our life. He may even choose
to remove that need, and to give us a new focus for our life.
Prayer:
Father
God, help us to understand that accepting one another's faults and foibles will
teach us more compassion for one another, and take the pressure, which disrupts
our unity and intimacy, off our relationship. Remind us that the more we leave our
marriage in Your capable hands, the greater are the chances that Your
conviction can bring about the changes that we both need.
Show
us that this joyful acceptance of our mate changes our attitude and the way that
we communicate love and approval to one another for our strengths and our good
qualities. Help us to see that our fulfillment in our life is not dependent on
our relationship with a person, place or things, but should be solely tied to
our unity with Your Godhead within us.
Thought
for the Day:
The
more we look to God to fulfill us in this life, the less we look to others for
our happiness; our joy is in the Lord where it belongs, and He works out
everything - even the most negative experiences - for our ultimate good; He
also teaches us to serve one another in love, which turns into more love for
Him and for each other.
-
Matthew 25:40; Romans 8:28
