In many marriages, we grow callouses to keep us from feeling. We suffer so many disappointments, hurt feelings, and a lack of understanding and compassion. We do not feel loved, supported, cared for, or enjoyed. Our mate spends more time with everyone else than they do with us.
There is a lack of trust and consideration. They even choose chairs at social events that are at another table from where we are sitting. We are no longer best friends or teammates, but competitors on opposite teams, attempting to triumph over each other rather than to support one another.
We adopt defensive behaviors that oppose one another rather than draw us closer together. We resent having to spend time together, and we feel slighted when our mate chooses to hang out with friends more often than with us. We have little in common, and we feel like our mate’s profession takes priority over couple time.
One mate may put a financial strain on the marriage, write bad checks, run up credit card bills, have a lifestyle that keeps them running to the doctors for various pills to counter their poor choices in the food they eat, and beverages they drink. There is no financial accountability or budget upon which both spouses agree.
Making the children a priority over the marriage is another huge mistake couples make. Of course, planning family outings is a great way to bond as a family, but having couple times after the children go to bed, or at least one weekend a month allows fun “play time” to keep communication open and “sparks” igniting times of desire and unity.
Openly sharing together about needs, opinions, ideas, and feelings will keep a couple on the same page. Brainstorming about disagreements in order to find a mutually agreeable plan, rather than arguing about them or pushing for our own agenda, increases our understanding of each other and keeps us integrated as a couple.
Prayer:
Father God, Your Word says that “a merry heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the bones” (Proverbs 17:22). Teach us to laugh with each other rather than at one another, give us creative ideas for dates, and unite us as a couple and a family. Help us to bond over shared humor and to give each other focused attention for a least a few moments at some part of every day. Help us to prefer one another without neglecting our self and our needs as well. Teach us to ask for help or some shared time when we need it.
Help us to see the need for showing gratitude, giving compliments, sharing congratulations for a good meal or success in our accomplishments, etc. Teach us to remain interested in each other’s vocations and to support each other in our efforts. We all need validation and acceptance from the most important person in our life, so help us to remain best friends even through the frenzied, traumatic, disappointing, and unexpected activities that life brings our way.
Thoughts for the Day:
Respecting each other’s viewpoint, even when we do not share an opinion or see any value in the thoughts and emotions surrounding them, will go a long way in helping us to feel cared about and supported as a couple. Expressing gratitude even for the smallest gesture is a vital key in encouraging a compatible ebb and flow between us as spouses.
