The Lover of My Soul - Part 2

Read: The Lover of My Soul - Part 1 first

In the past, when I felt empty, alienated or overwhelmed, instead of listening to what my soul needed and filling that need, I ignored it. Or if I did take the time to listen, I then asked other people to fill that need. They reacted to my request as if I placed a heavy, unnatural burden on their lives, which in reality it was. 

As God brought more and more healing to my soul, I learned that before I start grasping from others, parched as I was for a bit of love and attention, I needed to go to my quiet place and turn to God instead (Psalm 42:2). In this emotional state, I poured out my love to God and trusted Him to care for me.

In return, He fulfilled the thirst of my soul and gave me serenity and joy. God either showed me a simple method to meet my need, or He brought along another person to meet it for me. At this same time, God also gave me a stable personal life. 

In moving back to my hometown I found a fulfilling job at the Montessori school, I enjoyed the same friends and I worshipped with the same church family. Through this stability, Jesus also gave me assurance and contentment from within. 

Therefore, no matter how many negative circumstances encumber my life (Psalm 57:1-3), if God did not show me a way to change them, then I started leaving them in His capable hands.

I grew less dependent upon people for affection and attention, because God’s love poured over me like a waterfall, and I learned to nurture my own soul (Psalm 131:2). I also started reading two Psalms every day of the month. Through David’s words, I realized that he was every bit as emotional as I am (Psalm 31:9-10). 

This gave me confidence to communicate my fears and insecurities again to people whom I could trust. I knew that with God within me, I could face the future in peace. I found my assurance in His love and my strength in His joy (Nehemiah 8:10). I looked forward to living for the Lord during my lifetime, and to eventually enjoying the riches of heaven with Him.

I learned that I could only accomplish those things, which the Spirit directed me to do (Psalm 94:17-19); so, I laid aside the shackles of codependency. I stopped serving people for their sake. Instead, I served only those whom God led me to care for. By spending time with God in every waking moment, I experienced the fullness of God’s love for me.  

I felt more connected to God’s Spirit, and this competence spilled over into everything I did. I started following the Spirit’s direction moment by moment throughout the day. I simplified my life and scaled down my physical possessions and the size of my home. I spent more time enjoying what God gave me.

I also started giving myself encouragement for a job well done. Once I got to a place of meeting my own needs and of waiting on God to direct me each moment of the day, He introduced me to Kevin as my new husband. We met at Books-a-Million bookstore and were immediately drawn to one another. We dated for six months and saw each other every day, except one, during that time. 

A few years after we married, God opened a door for us to work together as a team in the pastoral ministry in a south Florida church, which brings great fulfillment to both of us. I only had to relocate one more time, and I changed professions from teacher back to Pastor’s wife. God took the ashes of our former lives and made something beautiful from them.

In this interdependent relationship, I came to understand that 1 John 4:7-13 is a very possible and a highly recommended way for two married people to live. Kevin and I prefer one another and we spend a great deal of time together. We laugh often, cling together when we cry and serve God together. Kevin taught me that I could trust him with my fears and insecurities. 

He learned to listen to my words with understanding; so, I no longer felt like I had to use anger to make my needs known. Since we both love God first, we are free to love one another sacrificially as Christ loves us. We still often meet our own needs, but we do more for one another than we do for our self. God lives in us and His love is made complete in us.

(For free detailed information on how to develop an interdependent relationship, email me at: kathleenbrdly@gmail.com)

Prayer:

Lord Jesus, as we trust only in You, You see us through the devastation of life and bring us out victoriously on the other side. You care for us more deeply than we can ever love one another. You work circumstances out in our life to bring us what we really need. 

You give us beauty for the ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair (Isaiah 61:3) and new mercies every morning (Lamentations 3:22-23). You put a new song on our lips (Psalm 96:1), and we will praise You for eternity. Help us to love others, not through humanistic motives, but by the direction of Your Holy Spirit.

Thought for the Day:

Surrendered to God’s love, we can live a fulfilled life.