Anger is a red flag that makes us aware that there are issues in our life, which we are ignoring. Anger is actually Morse code for deeper, more intense feelings. Anger masks subterranean emotions, which present as anger. Understanding these underlying emotions helps us to feel whole and healthy again, which frees us from the stranglehold of our temper. We simply need to get alone and take the time to journal or get in touch with how we really feel at the core of our soul. Following the roadmap that anger gives us leads us back to the little “towns” along the way in which we experienced disturbing incidents.
The possible underlying roots of anger are varied and immense, but some of them include: feeling ignored, invalidated, powerless, insecure, unloved, rejected, fearful, unappreciated, violated, disrespected, ridiculed, abandoned, used, unsafe, etc. We often erupt in anger to protect our self when we feel threatened in any way. We falsely believe that this anger will thwart another’s behavior and keep us safe. We feel too vulnerable to express our true feelings, so we use anger as protection. Anger only muddies the water, however, and causes others to pull further away from us.
No one is perfect, but we all have value and worth. Jesus Christ values us so much that He chose to suffer the indecency and torment of Calvary’s cross to protect us from the rejection and death that He suffered. When the whole world misunderstands or criticizes us, He is holding out His arms, ready to pour out His love and grace on us in our time of need. We can unburden our heart to Him, sharing with Him our deepest feelings without any fear of censure or ridicule. Then when we understand the motivation behind our anger or any other negative emotion, we can express it logically to the person who offended us.
They still may not respond with care and concern, but they will listen to us much better than if we simply blow up at them in rage and retaliation. Many times they do not even have a clue as to why their words or behavior affected us so negatively, and our anger only confuses them. We often suppress our feelings in an attempt to be patient and to get along, trying not to nag or complain. Once our patience runs out, however, we usually compound the problem by exploding in unexpected anger. Once we understand the emotion behind our anger, it is much easier to explain to others how we are really feeling. It helps if, prior to the point of frustration and anger, we will express how someone’s negative behavior or words
are affecting us and making us feel.
The key to being even-tempered is to take frequent stock of our negative emotions. They are a red flag, provided by God, to give us a clue that we are not being treated properly. The offensive behavior may be just a misunderstanding, or a lack of discernment or manners on their part. That is why it works out better if we express how we really feel before our soul hides behind the emotion of anger. If the other person sees no problem with their words or behavior or if they consistently disregard our needs, we can erect boundaries to protect our soul from their painful words and behavior. Putting distance between them and us, or changing our focus about how their opinions or beliefs affect us, will ensure that our heart is not constantly bombarded by their insensitivity and callous behavior.
Prayer:
Lord Jesus, You only used anger once in Your life. You did not react, but You acted with a controlled emotion when the moneychangers turned the house of worship into a den of thieves. You took the time to make a whip and to consider Your words and behavior. However, Your righteous indignation did not tolerate their abuse either. Help us to choose our words carefully and to speak up when we are violated by another person’s words or actions before we resort to using anger to make our needs known. Help us to change our focus about their behavior so that we can maintain the relationship without a severance of the unity between us.
Thought for the Day:
Pay attention the red flags that negative emotions give you and use your words to express how you really feel before you get to the point of frustration and anger.
