When we feel like fighting back, God recommends
that we are quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger (James 1:19). Anger
is actually a God-given emotion to protect us from injury, not to inflict
injury.
People will behave toward us in the way in which we
teach them to treat us. If we allow others to abuse us either verbally or
mentally or physically, we are inviting more of that same behavior in the
future.
God allows us to feel the anger as a
"red" flag, so that we know that something is wrong. Then, He
cautions us to be slow to express it, and to guard against crossing over into
sinful behavior with this possibly volatile emotion (Ephesians 4:26).
Anger allows other people to understand that what
they just did or said is not acceptable to us; however, we can inflict great
trauma on unsuspecting victims if we use uncontrolled anger to protect our self.
Over the last two decades, I developed a habit of journaling
my feelings first; and then using premeditated wording to express my feelings,
rather than to use hasty words to verbally attack the offending party.
My husband and I even use a notebook to write out
our feelings to one another - positive and negative feelings. This way we do
not speak off the top of our head and potentially hurt one another more deeply.
I am also learning to stand up for myself without
hiding behind fierce anger and coarse words (Ephesians 5:4). Now I can use my
words to say,
“I feel afraid when you .."
“I feel like you spend more time with … than with
me, and I need more of your attention.”
“Thank you for your opinion, but I do not agree
with you.”
“I will not allow you to do that (or say that)
to/about me anymore.”
“I think that you misunderstood the meaning behind
my words/actions. Let me further explain to you how I feel (or why I took that
action).”
God is teaching me to pay attention to my angry
emotions in order to discover what is causing them, but not to express them
verbally or physically so that I do not cause injury to someone else.
Prayer:
Father God, in the face of confrontation, remind us
that we can still make it known in no uncertain terms that a person's offensive
behavior is no longer acceptable to us. Teach us to respond with a confident,
businesslike and resolute attitude, rather than to attack the person with anger.
Thank You for teaching me, that even in the face of
a verbal onslaught, we can state our feelings more clearly with firm, calm
words than we can with angry, irrational ones. Help us to see things from the
other person's viewpoint too, and not to allow misunderstandings to drive a
wedge between us.
Thought for the Day:
For our benefit, God encourages us to get rid of
bitterness, rage, anger, slander, malice and our quarrelsome behavior; instead,
He wants us to be kind, compassionate and forgiving, just as He forgives us.
-
Ephesians 4:21-32
