Whenever
we offend each other, there is hurt. Unresolved hurt often sets the anger pot
to boil on the back burner. The offense is like a splinter that festers
and causes other negative emotions to erupt, which interrupts our feelings of
love for one another.
We
may continue to cram our unresolved feelings deeper inside of our subconscious
mind; however, this results in more anger, bitterness, resentment, and
sometimes even depression. We are not taking care of our self in this situation,
and it may continue to happen.
Stuffing
our feelings causes us to repeat our negative behavior. At some point, we will
probably explode in anger in order to release the pent-up emotions. We do not
intend to wound our spouse, child, etc.; yet we do.
If we use anger to relieve our own hurt, and to rid our soul of the intense pain
we feel, we only cause others to feel the same disregard, abuse, desolation,
anxiety, bitterness and anger that we do.
It
may be that we were hurt by something that happened in our childhood, or from
some past issue that arose in our marriage, family, or at work, and which was
never resolved.
Once
the pain resurfaces, which it will always do, we explode all over again with
more intensity than the immediate problem warrants. This causes the person, on
whom we vented, to question our sanity, to wonder if we need a chill pill, or
if we are having an emotional breakdown.
They
withdraw or fight back, and this only escalates the difficult. If they, in
turn, stuff their feelings, these emotions will erupt again at some time in the
future, or fester in their subconscious mind and affect the way they feel about
us.
Instead,
when we face hurtful or angry feelings, we can ask God to reveal to us the root
cause of these negative emotions. He will remind us of some hurdle from the
past that we did not jump high enough to clear. This helps us to finally resolve
that issue. www.transactionalprayer.
Making
time to discuss the problem with the person(s) involved, and to mutually decide
how to resolve the conflict is the next step. If the conflict cannot be
resolved, we can then agree to disagree, or we can find a third option, on
which we can both agree.
Preventing
future hurt is not always possible. We can clean up spilled milk, but it is not
wise to put the milk back into the container. It will only spoil the whole
carton.
Festering,
unresolved conflicts will affect our body, soul and spirit, by causing us to
feel sick inside, and unable to continue to function normally. God will not
force anyone to change, to behave differently, or to feel remorse for his/her
behavior.
When
a person makes a choice that is harmful to us, or to which we cannot agree,
then we can pray about how God would want us to make our own choices to protect
our self, and to possibly avert further hurt in that area.
Prayer:
Father
God, remind us to change our focus about an issue that cannot be resolved. As
the Serenity Prayer advises, we ask You to give us the wisdom to discern the
difference between what we can change and what we cannot change, and then to petition
You to change it if it is not Your will. Help us to look at another person's obstructive
conduct in a different light, accepting it as it is, for what it is, and
choosing to love each other in spite of our differences.
Then,
every time the behavior resurfaces, remind us that it is an inevitable part of
our life, and there is nothing we can do to change it. Therefore, we accept it
and move on, as we trust You to give us the strength to navigate these matters,
and to choose to love one another in spite of these conflicts. Thank You for
caring so much about every aspect of our life, and for giving us Your Spirit to
provide us with the mind of Christ and His divine nature (2 Peter 1:4).
Thought
for the Day:
The
goal of discussing our issues is not to place blame, but to bring our
relationship to a place of healing, unity, and intimacy that will help us to
feel understood, validated, accepted and connected again; forgiving one another
repairs a wounded relationship, and praying together for God to bring
resolution to some impasse is the key to restoring our cherished intimacy.
