I never thought that my former husband would ever want a divorce from me. I dedicated my life to making life easier for him, and I waited on him daily. He never finished anything that he started in his life, but I would always add, except his marriage. However, I was wrong. After 22 years of marriage, He saw no option for us but divorce.
My Italian emotionalism, my fears and insecurities, and him marrying me simply because he knew I would say, “yes,” eroded our marriage over the years. Within a two-year period of time, this man decided there was no God, that the Bible was not the inspired Word of God, and that he no longer wanted to be married to me.
However, a few years later, God led me to meet another man, also a pastor, whose wife had decided divorce was their only option too. We were like two dry sponges, trying desperately to soak up as much love from one another as we could. We delighted in one another and in our relationship.
We were together every day except one from the moment we met. Over these decades of marriage to him, I learned what a real marriage is supposed to look like. Many of my fears and insecurities melted away, due to the devotion and nurture that I received from this man, who was 10 years younger than me – that makes me a “cougar,” you know!
We shared many goals for our marriage, as well as a worldview, and many of the same opinions on life, matrimony, family, and spiritual pursuit. We laugh together, play together, minister together, and seek healing for our soul together.
The only kinks in the working of this new relationship were my continued over-reacting in anger when I felt insecure, as well as his penchant to be busy every waking moment – both habits tore away at the fabric of our marriage.
As good as our relationship was, feeling lonely - even in marriage - was a huge issue for me. My volcanic expression of my fears wounded my new husband’s sensitive nature too. Prayerfully seeking God helped us to analyze the reasons for our unhappiness.
He supported me through a ministry called, Transformation Prayer, and I received in-depth healing from past issues that caused many of the problems in my soul, which also wounded my former husband, but which he derisively labeled as “psycho-babble.”
God’s Spirit taught me to communicate the real underlying reasons for my negative feelings, rather than hiding behind anger to protect myself; and He taught my husband the importance of listening to me when I shared with him from my heart, even if he felt my feelings were inconsequential. He started to take my words and feelings more seriously.
Since both of us came from marriages where we were tolerated instead of admired, accepted and enjoyed, this taught us to bond with one another. We dedicated the second decade of our relationship to do all in our power to help each other to feel more loved and cherished. Consequently, the depths of our love are even richer now than when we first met.
Prayer:
Father God, remind us that honest communication is vitally important in every relationship, especially if it comes from a meek and gentle attitude. Once our spouse understands our real needs, they may be moved to selflessly meet our needs to the best of their ability. Teach us, however, not to codependently lean on each other for our needs to be met, but to creatively make ways to meet our own needs, and to develop a deeper and more intimate relationship with You.
We trust only in You with our whole heart, and we do not depend on our limited human understanding; but we consult You all of the time, and we trust in You alone to give us the fulfilling unity in our relationship with You that we need to live a fulfilled life on this earth (Proverbs 3:5-6). Remind us that since we married human beings, we cannot expect our mate to understand and to meet all of our needs, but You can inspire us with ways to love one another as Jesus loves us, and our love for You can grow with each passing day.
Thought for the Day:
Regardless of our beliefs and the examples of good marriages in our sphere of influence, no relationship comes with a lifetime warranty for success; therefore, we can turn our focus to our relationship with God as we allow our unity with Him to sustain us in this world and to improve the longevity of our relationship with one another.
