Healing Relationshiips - Part 1

There are four types of human relationships. We all fit into one of them, or a combination of several:

Independent - self-sufficient

Codependent - live for others

Dependent - despise living alone, have no personal
                   identity 

Interdependent - mutual, reciprocal relationship 

These relational types describe how we relate to other people. If we are already functioning in interdependent relationships, we are healthy and have healthy interactions.

Otherwise, we are in needy, dysfunctional relationships, which are unhealthy for us and the other people in our life. Changing our beliefs about life and our self, and altering our attitude will bring needed healing to our soul.

In dysfunctional associations, we expect the magic of a fairytale existence; we pride our self in living as the martyr or savior; we give sacrificially and then feel anger and bitterness when we do not receive the love we believe we are owed in return.

In unhealthy relationships, our self-worth is based outside of our self, in people, places and things. We desire financial security, privacy, status in society, respect, degrees or popularity. We resent any change or adjustment required of us.

However, everything in life is fluid, temporary and undependable. We even disappoint our self. We cannot look to external values and relationships for our security.

When we concentrate on maintaining the status quo, we fail miserably every time we try. That is why the Serenity Prayer has grown in popularity.

Following its advice will ensure that we keep our focus on eternal matters, rather than on temporal issues, which cannot help but to disappoint us. We will also walk in God’s will each moment of every day.

Serenity Prayer:

“God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

“Living one day at a time;
enjoying one moment at a time;
accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
that I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
forever in the next.
Amen.  
-by the American theologian Reinhold Niebuhr

Thought for the Day:

Attempting to control our environment and relationships will guarantee that we suffer from stress-related issues, as well as to alienate those who mean the most to us. 

God's Eternal Plan - Part 2

God loves humanity so much that He gave us His Word in the form of Jesus Christ, who left His place in the glories of Heaven and sacrificed His own life to pay the penalty for our sins (John 1:14). God also gave us His Word in written form to give us prophetic encouragement and His truth, as well as advice and instruction, which gives us skill for living in this world (2 Timothy 3:16).

Yet, the carnal mind cannot understand the things of the Spirit (1 Corinthians 2:14). Some people, who were hurt by a Christian or who do not understand why God did not answer their prayer the way they expected Him to, will turn their back on God. They cannot see that the fairytales, which Satan feeds them, are actually lies;, and they call the Bible a book of fairytales instead (1 Thessalonians 2:11-12).

They end up condemning their self to eternal destruction by their unbelief (John 3:18). They forfeit the blessings of God in their life in order to maintain the illusion of control and independence. They want it said of them, "I did it my way." They are rebels at heart and will not submit their life to the will of God for them (Ephesians 2:10).

The more we share God's truth with God Haters, the further it pushes them away from our beloved King. They attribute their success to their own hard work, and little realize that God is sending love on thousands of generations of those who love Him (Exodus 20:6; Deuteronomy 5:10). The only hope for them is that they will respond as God's Spirit draws them to our Father God (John 6:44).

We simply repent of our sinful thoughts, words and deeds and then surrender control of our life to God. We lose nothing but heartache, disappointment and stress. We gain all the fruit of God's Spirit, as well as a mind conformed to the mind of Christ (Galatians 5:22-23; Romans 8:29). We live in a blessed environment now and forever, because our Daddy God cares for us so much better than we can ever care for our self.

Prayer:

Father God, You continually prod the children of Your beloved Saints to call out to You for salvation, but they often disregard Your call and warning. Their pride and rebellion resist believing the truths taught to them from the cradle. They prefer to buy into worldly propaganda, which teaches hate for You and Your followers. Of course, many people who are Christians in name only, and not by profession of faith in Christ, are poor examples of an authentic Believer. Please teach us to walk purely before You and please draw these angry unbelievers to Your loving heart.

Thought for the Day:

God haters often attribute hypocritical behavior to Believers, simply because we do not hold to or support their humanistic interpretation of Christ's teachings.

Forgiveness Sets Us Free

 

How do we forgive someone who hurt us? By hearing and following God's advice to love our enemies, to do good to those who hate us, to bless those who curse us and to pray for those who abuse us. When someone takes something from us, we give him/her more of what they want. We treat others the way we want them to treat us (Luke 6:27-31).

Forgiveness does not take the offender off the hook, but it does set us free (Romans 12:19).  Our fellowship with God is broken by unforgiveness and His blessings cannot freely flow into our life. With God’s help, we can gain freedom from Satan’s strongholds in our life as we readily forgive those who hurt us and walk in God's Truth.

We also learn to exhibit patience with other people who mistreat us, because we realize that their behavior comes from their wounded soul. Once we forgive those who hurt or offend us, the fruit from the root of bitterness ~ anger, anxiety, depression, irritability, meanness, pride, indulgence and doubt ~ are pulled out of our soul.

The Holy Spirit can then move into our spirit and plant the seed of His fruit in the place of our old carnal nature. As God's chosen people, His holy ones, we cooperate with God's Spirit and put on the cloak of love, compassion, kindness, lowliness, meekness and patience. We bear with one another and forgive each other, just as the Lord forgives us (Colossians 3:12-15).

Prayer:

Father God, remind us to put on Your love, because it binds everything together in perfect harmony. This allows the peace of Christ to rule in our heart, and we live in gratitude for all You do for us each day. Help the word of Christ to richly dwell in us. Whatever we do, in word or deed, we will perform it in Your name (Colossians 3:16-17). Once we find Your forgiveness for our self, we can give it to those who hurt us, and receive healing from the lies Satan planted in our wounded soul.

Thought for the Day:

Satan wants us to live in bondage to the law of sin and death, but Christ already freed us by the law of the Spirit of Life in Christ Jesus. - Romans 7:22-8:3

Intercessory Prayer

There is nothing as sweet as time alone (all-one) with God, a time of separation from the world and spiritual renewal, a time of grace, mercy and unity with both Christ within us and our Father on His throne. Jesus is our intercessor, constantly serving as our advocate with our Father. He suffered the torture and agony of the Cross to provide for our earthly liberation and our eternal glory (1 John 2:1).

The Holy Spirit also intercedes for us, often with utterances, which we do not understand (Romans 8:6). We are the temple of God's Spirit, and He dwells within us and sanctifies us over the course of our lifetime (2 Corinthians 3:18). He slowly crucifies the old nature in us as we cooperate with Him, by starving the little fellow to death at the same time that we feed our spirit with spiritual food (Ephesians 4:24; Romans 6:6).

God's Word is an infinite source of wisdom and practical advice, especially the Psalms and Proverbs. Reading them daily can improve the way we handle and react to life. God's Word is a lamp and light for our life (Psalm 119:105). Praying God's Word allows us to identify with the prophets and psalmists as they interceded for themselves and their world. 

During our times of oneness with God, He gives us His heart for the world (John 3:16). When we feel the torment of others, we can join Christ in interceding for that person or people group. Intercessory prayer facilitates our unity with God. We identify with God's heart and learn to despise what He disdains and embrace what He holds dear, as we spend time mediating for others through prayer.

Prayer:

Father God, You make us aware of the spiritual warfare, in which we engage with each prayer we breathe. By Your Spirit, we put to flight tens of thousands of demonic predators, which roam the earth, seeking people to oppress or possess (1 Peter 5:8; Mark 3:15). The more intimate our unity with You, the more authority You give us over the demonic forces we battle through intercessory prayer.

Thought for the Day:

The pain of those we pray for becomes so real to us that it is almost as if we are pleading for our self as we pray for others.

Consulting the Lord

Joshua took over the leadership of Israel from Moses. He followed in Moses’ footsteps and sought God's direction for each decision he made and every action he took. He had no confidence in his own ability and He generally relied on God’s counsel. 

God promised to give Joshua every part of the land where he set his feet. God also declared that no army would stand against him (Joshua 1:3,5). Therefore, with a few successful battles to his credit, Joshua’s fame traveled throughout Canaan (Joshua 6:27).

This caused his heart to swell with pride, and He got overly confident. He started believing the praise awarded to him, rather than giving credit to the Lord. The unconventional warfare God told Joshua to use at Jericho (Joshua 6:20) puffed up his confidence. Therefore, at the next battle, in the tiny town of Ai, Joshua did not bother to consult the Lord.

He relied on his own wisdom instead. He sent up an army of about three thousand men, expecting to hear of their anticipated victory. However, God taught Joshua a lesson through this and allowed the few men of Ai to defeat Joshua’s army (Joshua 7:3-4). 

God humbled Joshua, and he ended up embarrassed and dejected. It happened again when the Gibeonite ambassadors tricked Joshua by their deceptive words (Joshua 9:14-22). Joshua foolishly believed he could handle these decisions without the Lord’s direction. 

We do this too. We forget to pray and to seek God's counsel when salesmen pressure us, friends and family manipulate us and those in authority over us demand things from us. True success in life only comes when we seek advice from the Lord before making a decision, and follow His advice even if it is not popular or seems not to make sense. Hindsight proves that God is right.

Prayer:

Father God, as Your children, we will need to make some important decisions throughout our lifetime. We have the choice of following a humanistic plan of action or of seeking Your divine direction. Remind us to trust in You with all of our heart and not to lean on our own understanding. 

Help us not to be wise in our own eyes, but to consult You (Proverbs 3:5-7). That way we will not be anxious about anything, but we will pray about everything and present our requests to You (Philippians 4:6). When we lack wisdom, we can ask You, because You give it generously to all without finding fault (James 1:5).

Thought for the Day:

Consult the Lord in whatever you do, and your plans will succeed.

- Proverbs 16:3

His Cherished Treasure

 

Husbands, did you know that if you do not treat your wife with consideration and respect as heirs with you of God’s merciful gift of eternal life, that your prayers may be hindered? (1 Peter 3:7) 

God made women, so He knows how emotional, unpredictable and irrational we can be sometimes. That is why He gave men this cautionary advice. 

The wise husband makes his wife his priority second only to God. He provides her with love, acceptance and a secure home environment. If he does, then she will never doubt his love for her. 

She will see it in his eyes, in his tone of voice, in his caring touch and in the amount of time he wants to spend with her. She is his most cherished treasure and is highly valued in his esteem.

Every human being has a love language. We often love others the way we want to be loved. However, if your mate’s, child’s or grandchild’s love language is not the same as yours, then they will not be impressed by your expressions of affection toward them. 

Some people enjoy gifts and others prefer physical touch, quality time, acts of service and/or words of affirmation. Take the time to discover the love languages of the people God gave you to love ( http://www.5lovelanguages.com ).  
Give your loved ones continual expressions of love and devotion throughout the day. Many couples have a date night, which is admirable and something to look forward to; however, do not limit your time together to once a week. 

Spend little increments of time together throughout the day. Maybe a shared lunch, family time after a dinner eaten together, a gift for no reason at all, a compliment for a job well done, a 15 minute snuggle, a walk in the park, a repair of that leaky faucet, a note tucked away in an obvious nook, a bike ride to a favorite place, taking her car to get it serviced or spending a few hours together walking on the beach. The possibilities are actually limitless. 

Prayer:

Father God, remind us that You created marriage (Genesis 2:22). We dishonor You when we allow Satan to destroy the love You place in our hearts for one another. 

In today’s easy divorce society, we are not expected to work through the hard times and communicate with one another about what we really need and how we really feel. Remind us to lay our life down for each other as Christ did for us.

Thought for the Day:

Nurture your romantic urges and express them often. This is not a stilted requirement, but a spontaneous expression of your love and devotion.

Victories and Delights

Jesus Christ is our whole life (Colossians 3:3-4). He lives in us and wants to accomplish our Father’s work through our life, so that He can do greater works than He did alone (John 14:12). When we rely on our own accomplishments and talents, we miss the whole point of our life in Christ. God can even overcome our inabilities with His glorious abilities within us. As we submit our life to Him, He puts us in the right place at the right time to live in the center of His will.

We are joined with Christ and with His Body, the church, in one Spirit (1 Corinthians 6:17). His divinity steadily replaces our humanity. We abide in Him and the fruit of His Spirit replace our carnality (Galatians 5:22-23). We rest in Him and enjoy all of the fullness of the divine Trinity in our life. We trust in His faithfulness, regardless of the circumstances in our life. He uses us to accomplish His works and He brings us total fulfillment (Ephesians 2:10).

We no longer rely on what our heart advises us to do, or what our soul’s emotions feel is the best course for our life, or what our family, friends, the world, the flesh or the devil determine for our day (Jeremiah 17:9). We rely on God’s Word to feed us, and God’s Spirit to lead us (Matthew 4:4). We live in God’s will for each moment and soon find that our only desire is to accomplish His purposes for our life (Isaiah 26:12).

Christ unites us with Himself in an intimate and integral relationship, which lasts for eternity. Especially in times of anguish, we can cleave to the Lord with our whole heart (Acts 11:23). We are complete in Him (Colossians 2:10). We no longer have responsibility for our life, because Christ in us is ready to take over at the moment of our salvation. We simply yield to Him and He births His righteousness within us (Titus 3:5), leads us by His Spirit (Galatians 5:16,25) and turns all of our sins and sorrows into victories and delights.

Prayer:

Father God, our soul is capable of becoming distress and discouraged (Psalm 42:5). The Psalmists consistently illustrate the need for our soul to praise You, who are the only One who can truly encourage our soul (Psalm 42:6 & 11; 3:1, 104:1). May the eyes of our heart be enlightened in order that we may comprehend the hope, in which You called us to live; so that we can enjoy the riches of our glorious inheritance with You and Your holy people (Ephesians 1:18).

Thought for the Day:

The Lord lives in us as our might Savior. He rejoices over us with great gladness; with His unconditional love, He calms all of our fears. He is so pleased in us that He rejoices with a new song. – Zephaniah 3:17

 

Hearing From God

Read: Ephesians 3:16-19
   
“Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.” – Philippians 4:7

No person, place, animal, or thing can bring you satisfaction from within or bring you fulfillment in your life. The depth of intimacy we experience in a personal relationship with God is the most nourishing experience of our lives. It affirms our very existence. Yet, we humans do everything we can to avoid it!!!

We get so caught up in our relationships, our ministry, and our accomplishments that we allow these earthly things to crowd out our intimate times with the Lord. Then, at other times, when we do take time for God, we often have distracted, barren, or faltering times. Don’t be discouraged, however, Satan is just providing road blocks that Jesus will soon overcome.

Have you ever prayed and heard or felt nothing? Then, just praise Him for who He is, what He’s done and what He means to you. God inhabits our praises and Satan runs from them (James 4:7-8; Hebrews 10:19-22). Sometimes, God remains silent and distant. He hides His face from us. Rest assured, however, that He continues to work in you.

In these barren or quiet times, His concentration is on our subconscious level of thought; getting us ready to be responsive to His next urging in our spirit. These quiet times cause us to hunger after God. They create a longing in us to return to our first love with Jesus, who is our Creator, our Redeemer, our Savior, and our Lord.

We allow the pressures and distractions of life to monopolize our attention, so often, that we fall into an exhausted sleep each night without ever having been to that still, small, inner place to meet our Father. When the mind is full of clutter and distractions, we get pulled in many directions without any goals or purpose. We find a lack of depth in our devotion. God’s voice cannot compete or penetrate our awareness, because the clutter is too overpowering and we are not listening for His voice. Often we hide our sorrow in some addiction that further separates us from the arms of our Holy God.

What I came to see as the critical element of hearing from God is that we expose ourselves to His holy presence, open our heart to His probing and listen with our inner, spiritual ear in the private sanctuary of our spirit -- that place reserved just for you and God. The place where there are no lists, no worries, no pressure, and no oughts. The only thoughts we have are clear directives that are totally Spirit led; and, when acted upon, will bear much fruit for the kingdom of God.

As we perfect the art of being fully and calmly aware of God’s presence within, we carry that awareness with us even as we live life at a full sprint. The object, however, is to simplify our lives at the same time that we abide in His presence.

Rather than working for God, we allow Him to work in and through us. We cut out everything in our lives that is not absolutely relevant. We stop any activity that is sinful. We empty ourselves of all of our inner clutter until we are totally void and empty enough to be totally filled with all the fullness of God. This takes time, effort and commitment.

During the day, when you feel your peace leave, stop! Go to a quiet place and focus your attention on your spirit, your body and your soul ~ your mind, will and emotions. Concentrate on Jesus (Hebrews 12:2), relax and talk to God like you do to your best friend.

Journaling is a great way to hear from God. Sit down, prop up your feet and bask in His presence (Hebrews 4:10). Write down your questions, your needs, your concerns and your desires. Then sit quietly and listen. Allow God to conform you from the inside out. He will put a thought in your mind to answer your questions and to give you advice and wisdom.

Pray for wisdom to know if you can change the situation and how to change it. If you find that you can’t change the situation, ask God to show you how you should change your focus about the incident. Once you hear the answer from the Lord, then put the negative thoughts and circumstances in God’s capable hands, and focus on the positive aspects He shows you.

Habakkuk recognized God’s voice speaking to him (Habakkuk. 2:2). Elijah expressed His voice as still and small (I Kings 19:12). Sometimes He uses the words to a song, a sentence in a book, a Bible verse, or a comment you hear from another person or on the radio or TV to speak to us. At other times, a friend will confide in you and when God gives you wisdom for them, it will apply to your life as well.

Prayer:

Lord Jesus, in the Tabernacle in the Wilderness and in the Jewish Temple, there was a great wall of fabric that separated God’s presence from the people. When You died on the cross, that wall was torn from the top down to the bottom. God rent that veil to show that Your death opened up His presence to us all. (Luke. 23:45; Hebrews 10:19-22). Remind us to take advantage of this and to spend time in Your presence.

Thought for the Day:

Be still, and know that He is God. - Psalm 46:10

To Speak or Not to Speak

Read: 1 Timothy 5:13

“It is an honor for a man to cease from strife: but every fool will be meddling.” – Proverbs 20:3

I have recently been contemplating where my responsibility to the Body of Christ ends and where meddling begins. As a Pastor’s wife, do I have a responsibility for the watch care of the flock? Do I owe them any type of spiritual advice or is that taking my role too far?

In today’s society, people resent it when we stick our nose into their business. Even if we are trying to be kind and helpful, what they view as our interference often offends them. They do not even appreciate it when we share sound doctrine with them, or try to enlighten them in some area in which they obviously lack wisdom. Due to their previous experiences with other people, they hide behind thick walls they erect to protect themselves from pain and abuse.

Erecting rigid boundaries is similar to living in a house surrounded by a huge wall without a gate. Not one person is allowed within the borders. These boundaries are too rigid, and those within them live in fear of failure, rejection, abuse and life. They appear aloof and distant, and do not talk about their feelings or show emotions. They exhibit extreme self-sufficiency, and do not ask for help. They do not allow anyone to get physically or emotionally close to them. On the other hand, those whose boundaries are too loose often lead chaotic lives, full of drama, as if they lived in houses with no fences, gates, locks or even doors.

So, my question is…why do we even try to help one another? I really am very busy with my own life. I do not have any need to invade someone else’s privacy to feel better about myself. I have no desire to censure their behavior or to add to their weight of condemnation. Although I prefer learning from someone else’s mistakes, most people do not. They eventually learn from their own experience, even if it is the hard way. They form their own convictions and conclusions by listening to sermons and reading God’s Word, so why should I feel any form of compulsion to make their life better or easier by sharing what God taught me in situations similar to theirs?

Those with healthy boundaries are comfortable with who they are, and they make others comfortable around them. They live in houses with fences instead of walls, and they erect gates that allow access only to those who respect their boundaries. They give and accept support. They respect their feelings, needs, opinions, and rights as wells as those of others. They are very clear about owning only their own feelings, needs, opinions and rights.

They respect their separateness. They are responsible for their own happiness and allow others to be responsible for their own happiness. They are assertive rather than aggressive, and they respect the right of others to be confident. They are able to negotiate and compromise. They have empathy for others. They are able to make mistakes without damaging their self-esteem. They have an internal sense of personal identity in Christ. They respect diversity and appreciate hearing another person’s opinion or advice.

Jesus loved people. He did not even take the time to form friendships or relationships with them first. He just prophetically spoke what He heard His Father tell Him to share. He spent countless hours teaching them, healing them, instructing them and miraculously feeding them, until He finally laid down His life for them.

In today’s society, however, we must first earn the right to have these same deeply spiritual conversations with people by forming a friendship with them in which we lay down our life for them in some way. We have to prove to them that we care, so that they will know that our instruction flows from this same concern for their welfare. Then, when they trust us, we can nurture them if they allow us the opportunity to do so.

Unsolicited advice is rarely appreciated, so I am going to take down my counselor’s “shingle” and stick to being a friend, until one at a time someone allows me to also be their mentor.

Prayer:

Lord Jesus, help your Body to build gates into their walls, which they use to protect themselves from any invasion into their privacy. Show them that they are wise to keep out certain people, but not everyone; and that they need this gate to let safe people into their lives.

Thought for the Day:

A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy person keeps a secret. - Proverbs 11:13