Lies, abandonment, infidelity, broken promises, physical and mental and emotional abuse, being taken for granted, busy schedules, little or no couple time, as well as a lack of compassion and cherishing and understanding breaks the trust that we need for a secure and lasting marriage and strains our feelings of love and unity.
A period of physical separation until a change of behavior and attitudes are obvious and recurrent is often needed to restore love and unity that is built on trust. This separation may take time, counseling, a shift in schedules, more thoughtful interactions, a change in habits and attitude, and acquiring an unconditional love that prefers one another rather than our self.
The key ingredient to restoring trust is forgiveness. This may also take time and occur in slow stages as trust is restored, and real changed behavior is observed. The pain of the abuse may take years to heal if it ever does, but forgiveness is a matter of choice, not of feelings, and may take a continual commitment in obedience to God’s Word (Matthew 6:14-15; Luke 17:3-4).
A repentant attitude backed by changed behavior is another factor in restoring trust. Genuine humility and sorrow over one’s behavior and neglect are proof of repentance. An emotional display is not necessary to substantiate sorrow, but changed behavior and attitude is evidence of the fruit of regret.
Placing blame on our mate for our inappropriate behavior is counterproductive, even if it is one of the causes of our abuse of them. This is where the help of a counselor or other mediator is useful. Our mate’s behavior and attitude may trigger our actions, but the cause of our abusive response to them comes from deeper within our self.
Prayer:
Father God, help us to resist the attitudes of shifting our blame to our mate and of adopting a self-righteous manner full of judgment of them as we excuse our own behavior. Jesus freely, sacrificially, and eternally paid the penalty for all our transgressions (1 John 2:2; John 10:17-18). You are always available to reveal the deep seeded issues from our past that fuel our feelings, attitude, and behavior now. Remind us that making time for concentrative, reflective prayer is the key for hearing Your wisdom and counsel as You heal these issues.
- https://www.transformationprayer.org/preparing-journey-introduction/
When You forgive us, You also forget our offenses and remove them as far as the east is from the west. In the same way that we can travel west around the globe without ever meeting the east, You never remember our sins anymore (Hebrews 8:12, 10:17; Psalm 103:12-14). Your mandate to forgive seventy times seven shows that a person may repeat the same offenses over and over again; however, remind us that forgiveness is a choice we make and not a matter of how we feel (Mathew 18:21-25).
Thoughts for the Day:
A period of separation for the purpose of reconciliation may be a wise decision as we both take stock of our behavior that may be causing a breach in our trust of one another. When our spouse repents of their behavior, it is our responsibility to quickly choose to forgive, and to anticipate a change in their behavior and attitude. If we both change at the same time, this reduces triggers that cause negative thoughts, emotions, and behavior in one another.
