When people, joined by God in marriage, choose to divorce, there is understandably an immense amount of pain and brokenness, which affects the life of everyone in that extended family. Even the person who initiated the divorce will suffer grief. Financial, physical, and employment setbacks occur in both lives. The emotions in both parties and their families are traumatized.
This may make no common sense; but in matters of the soul, it makes perfect sense. Our soul is divided into our mind, will, and emotions, and all three are negatively affected by a divorce. Psychologists will tell us that we all also have three ego states in our mind, called the Inner Parent, Inner Adult, and Inner Child.
The Inner Child of both persons in the divorce will also experience shock and distress over separating from their playmate. Even if one person really wants the divorce for various reasons, their Inner Child will still feel victimized. Their childlike nature, which needs nurturing, feels abandoned by the partner they are divorcing.
Undeniably, the Inner Child of the one filing for divorce will often suffer feelings of rejection and abandonment right along with the person with which they no longer want to live. There are many unresolved issues in a relationship, which cause the marriage to dissolve into divorce.
Years of underlying problems, formerly swept under the rug, are hanging in the air between the two parties. They blame each other, and some spouses are not willing to take any responsibility for the breakdown in the marriage. We all have failings and idiosyncrasies, which may cause our partner to get weary and to wander.
If we address these concerns instead of just giving up, we can both find alternative methods of action. An equitable solution that is agreeable to both persons will always improve the relationship. In humility, both partners can resolve the problems and allow God’s love to heal their wounds and to help them to accept one another just the way they are. He will strengthen our union, and also give us ideas of how to improve our relationship.
Truthfully, prior to any divorce, God’s Word encourages us both to forgive and to ask for forgiveness for the slights and issues we caused in the marriage. If both partners are willing, mutual forgiveness will heal many injuries, and may even prevent this drastic, unnecessary divorce. Then, there will be no more desire to separate, and the couple will joyfully end up growing old together.
Prayer:
Father God, our true fulfillment is found through service to You in our church and community, as well as in our marriage. We can serve our mate regardless of how we feel about them. In fact, we are serving You by serving them. This way we put our marriage in Your hands, relying on Your Holy Spirit to change us and our partner. You hate divorce and are not pleased with anyone who obtains a divorce without Biblical grounds for it (Matthew 19:9). Help us to bear one another's burdens and to fulfill Your plans for our life (Galatians 6:2).
Remind us that no one is perfect, and every human being has faults, failings, and eccentricities, which get on our mate’s nerves. If we adopt Your advice and prefer one another over our self, we will humble our self, and have compassion and care for each other. We go the extra mile when we cannot find a way to meet in the middle (Matthew 5:41). We praise You for Your care for both of us, and You know exactly how we can resolve our issues if we will both consult You for Your wisdom.
Thought for the Day:
Divorce divides us from the person, which we thought would share our hopes and dreams and grow old with us, and it forces us into the death of a relationship once birthed in love. God’s Spirit is always available to help us to resolve issues together, if both mates are ready, willing, and able to keep communication open on both sides, and to make necessary changes in our individual lives.
