There
are so many hurdles to overcome in any relationship. When we consider that we
cannot even "get along" with our self at times, it is amazing that
any marriage can ever survive the trials of life. The only way for true success
is to depend totally on God.
One
hurdle in the unity of a marriage is co-dependency. This occurs when one or
both spouses look to one another for acceptance, affirmation, and affinity. We
expect our mate to complete us and to fulfill us. We depend on each other to
fill our joy "tank" and to make us happy.
One
problem with this attitude is that no other person is capable of bringing us
contentment. They may try; however, they never really hit the bullseye every
time. We expect each other to listen to our "hints", and to read
between the lines in order to pick up on the words that we leave out.
We
also attempt to control our relationships due to the intense fear and
insecurity in our soul. We shy away from vulnerability and honesty, and adopt
an aloof or an aggressive personality style. We appear to have our life all
together, when in reality we are falling apart inside of our soul - our
thoughts, choices and feelings.
As
aggressors, we use dominance and anger to keep our self safe, which demoralizes
our relationships. We end up manipulating, demanding from, and demeaning
others. This results in them withdrawing from and avoiding us, which only
serves to isolate us.
These
survival methods undermine the intimacy and enjoyment we crave from our
relationship. We may continue to dwell together, but we grow further apart with
each conflict. We exist, but we do not flourish or thrive. We eventually avoid
connecting with each other to evade confrontation.
Love
is a feeling and an action, and cannot be artificially manufactured or
demanded. Only mutual submission, compassion, cherishing, respect and
appreciation can provide the soil for our affections to flourish. Prayer will
unite us in God's will for us.
Prayer:
Father
God, remind us that we cannot change another person to be able to meet our needs.
We can make requests, but they often view them as demands, because our requests
make them feel incapable, frustrated and pressured. Help us to see that we can
only change our self, our expectations, and our ability to trust You to meet
our needs, and to show us ways to meet our own needs as we keep our focus on
You.
Help
us to learn to accept each other with all of our faults and foibles, our
negative personality traits, and our fears and insecurities. Show us ways to
creatively find methods to request that our spouse join us in pursuing our
interests, as we also join them in pursuing theirs as well; this will broaden
our horizons, double our enjoyment and increase our intimacy. Help us to
discover a new hobby that we both enjoy together. Primarily, remind us to pray as
a couple; and together, to seek Your will for our relationship.
Thought
for the Day:
As
long as we are discontent, co-dependent, controlling, etc. with our spouse, we
cannot totally depend on God for our fulfillment; rather than operating out of
fear that our mate will leave us, we can seek God's acceptance of us and abide in
the center of His will for our thoughts, deeds, desires, words, expectations
and joy.
