Teenagers are learning to grow away from their parents and to make their own choices in preparation for their adult life. They often forget all we did for them when they were little. As teens, they resent our interference in their choices, and they get moody when we have restrictive rules that give them little choices in their privileges.
Many will attempt to sneak around to break the rules without parental knowledge, so they will not get in trouble or suffer grounding for their independent choices. Others will just go ahead and rebel, and then resent their parents as they suffer for their disobedience to family rules.
This is a common issue, and we parents can learn to give our teens more responsibilities and privileges with each successive year of their life. When my three children entered their teenage years, I read a book called “How to Raise Good Kids” by Charlie Shedd. It is no longer in print, but so many of his other parenting books are still available.
https://www.thriftbooks.com/browse/?b.search=Charlie%20shedd#b.s=mostPopular-desc&b.p=1&b.pp=30&b.oos&b.tile
As an adult, my older son did camera work for a documentary about a large family with many children. He called me one night and thanked me in tears, because watching this Christian mother raising her children reminded him of all the little and big things, which I did for him over the years.
Soon after this, my daughter asked me to tell her my memories of her childhood and our interaction together, and I could not remember the 100s of things I did for and with her ... just a few milestones. She was not impressed. She eventually got caught up in the world and walked away from her Christian upbringing.
She is even angry with me for witnessing to her friends, especially one who was offended that I talked to him about Jesus, and he complained to her. This caused her to reject me, and she has not spoken to me now in over 10 years. She actually threatened to put me in jail for harassment if I ever contacted her or any of her friends again.
However, God’s love for us is from age to age, even toward our descendants. (Psalm 25:6, 103:17; Exodus 20:6). He led me to send my daughter a birthday greeting every year since she “divorced” me, in order to keep the lines of communication open with her from my end. She continues to ignore me, but I know I am obeying our Father God in this.
Prayer:
Father God, thank You for the children with which You bless us. Even through the years of struggle with them, we learn to trust You more and to introduce “family roundtable” discussions when there is a conflict, rather than to inflict our children with our stringent rules. Of course, we are only attempting to protect our children out of love, but they rarely view our behavior as coming from love.
We ask You to help our children to see that there is no perfect parent, just as there are no perfect children. We are all flawed humans who continually strive to do our best. We cannot ask anyone for more than their best – that is impossible to do. Help us to be more sympathetic parents, and to give our children more privileges and responsibilities with each passion year, so their internal need to make their own decisions will occur in the protective shelter of our home.
Thoughts for the Day:
Privileges are earned by showing responsible behavior, and we reward our children with more privileges as they exhibit more responsible behavior. As parents we teach them and model for them the qualities and benefits of trust, cooperation with others, respect for authority in their life, a positive attitude, and sharing their needs and goals meekly rather than bombastically and disrespectfully. This prepares them to live successfully as adults.
- Matthew 25:14-30
