These
are some of the attitudes and behaviors that destroy the love that we feel
toward each other in our marriage, and that need changing in order for love to
grow between us:
1.
Dependence/Independence - these are equally destructive. Our goal in marriage
is not to remain aloof, distance and independent, nor to depend on our spouse
for everything. Instead, we live in an inter-dependent relationship - we build
one another up and allow our individual strengths to help each other's
weaknesses.
We
look to God to meet our needs, to give us wisdom and to direct each moment of
our day. Then, we interact with our spouse in ways that nurture the attitudes
and behavior that he/she needs in order to feel loved by us.
2.
Minimizing, ignoring, or discounting our spouse's feelings, opinions, needs,
accomplishments and responsibilities is another issue. We fail to give needed
respect, encouragement, quality time, compassion, and interaction through
conversation and shared activities. This widens the gap in our connection.
3.
Some of us attempt to ignore our own needs or change our behavior in order to
"keep the peace" or to gain attention and favor with our spouse.
Afraid to cause any conflict in our relationship, we squelch or minimize or
bury our needs.
This
tends to teach our spouse to treat us in this same way. Resentment and
disillusionment often arise from this behavior, and love is gradually
diminished between us and our spouse.
4.
Sporadic attention usually leads us to develop an attitude of never being
satisfied and always wanting more. We view the spaces between attention -
caused by our spouse's busyness and distraction - as rejection, neglect,
abandonment and even abuse in some cases.
Since
we feel ignored, we give the impression of being desperate, too needy,
demanding, moody, angry and controlling. In reality, we are simply looking for
consistent daily attention, emotional availability, and the connection of
talking, laughing together, snuggling, focused attention and thoughtful
interaction with our spouse.
*****
Satan
plants lies in every negative experience of our lifetime, and we have to root
these out before we can believe God's Truth. Much of this behavior and these
attitudes arise from wounds from our childhood trauma and environment. We are
hurt in the core of our soul, and we look to our spouse for healing.
God
is the only one that can truly heal us from the inside out. He reveals to us
these satanic lies that we believe as truth, and He shows us how to gain
fulfillment and contentment through our relationship with Him, rather than
looking to people to meet our needs.
As
we vulnerably express our true feelings to one another, we grow more nurturing
in our relationship, have more awareness of how we can help each other to feel
loved, and we make our marriage a priority in our life, second only to our
relationship to God.
Prayer:
Father
God, help us to realize that our spouse is not our enemy, but our greatest
ally. Teach us to put down our pride, and to allow our self to be vulnerable
with one another. Jesus cried in the garden of Gethsemane and asked for
support. He revealed His emotions to His closest disciples. Remind us that
growth in our soul means learning to identify our real needs and then asking
for help.
Healing
can occur from our past wounds if we allow You and others in our life to
provide what they can of those milestones that we missed out on as children.
Teach us how to identify and deal with our feelings in the same way that we
learn any new skill, hobby, or activity. Remind us that we can overcome the
awkwardness that we feel in these new, uncharted waters, and rise up to the
challenges as we depend on You each moment of our day.
Thought
for the Day:
The
more we agree to allow our self to feel vulnerable in our marital relationship,
to have each other's best interest at the core of our love for one another, and
to be comfortable and accepted just as we are, the more open we are to changing
those habits that irritate and further wound our mate.
