There
is no marriage that escapes the inevitable disagreements, frustration, broken
promises, disappointments, hurt feelings, insecurity, and neglect of living
with another human being. If we yearn to enjoy a mate who is good to us, it is
important that we be good to our mate - to treat our spouse as we want to be
treated.
Of
course, at times this leads to us inadvertently loving our mate with our own love
language, instead of in their own love language. This disappoints our mate, and
leads to our frustration when our spouse is less than thrilled with our
attempts to show them that we love them (http://www.lovelanguagequiz.com/
).
A
good rule is to remember that marriage is not a fairy tale. It takes work,
commitment, preferring one another, fidelity of body and soul, etc. Mutual
commitment helps us to flourish and to succeed in growing more in love with one
another through each passing day.
Neglecting
one another, and placing each other near the bottom of our list of priorities,
places us at risk of growing apart and out of love with each other. Times of connecting
spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically is essential to improving our
unity.
Giving
greater attention to our partner's needs, feelings, desires, thoughts,
interests, etc. will also improve our intimacy. This may require
thoughtfulness, effort and sacrifice on our part. However, receiving this focus
and attentiveness makes us both feel loved, important, cherished, nurtured,
respected and united.
One
way to make our spouse feel special is to pay more attention to the books he/she
is reading, movies they watch, sporting events they attend, music they prefer,
etc. Even if we do not share their interests, we can inquire about how their
team is playing, what the plot of their book or movie is, what their favorite
song of the week is, etc. We listen to their response and ask follow-up
questions.
Parenting
children together, and spending quality time as a family will reduce the
tendency for our spouse to put the children's needs as a greater priority over our
needs. This keeps the focus of our marriage on us as a couple, rather than on
the children first. We end up giving each other as much consistent attention
and importance as we allot to our children.
Prayer:
Father
God, remind us that failing to cherish, nurture, and appreciate our mate will
cause them to feel neglected, not good enough, and/or lacking in some way,
which sets up a pattern for how they treat us. Teach us that unless we
prioritize our relationship, and construct a balance in our life between our
vocation, ministry, hobbies, family, and couple time, we will set our self up
to lose our marriage.
Help
us to take continual stock of our soul, and our mate's soul, and to make the
effort to do the little things that make such a big difference in our
relationship. Teach us to show continual compassion and appreciation, to cherish
one another, and to enjoy each other's company at some point in every day.
Thank You for pointing out to us the issues from our childhood that make us
more vulnerable in our marriage, and help us to heal from each of them.
Thought
for the Day:
The
way that our parents related to one another will greatly influence the way we connect
to our spouse: they were either a great example for us, or a warning of what
not to do; above all else, maintaining a love-relationship with the Lord
enables us to be a better spouse to our mate.
