The joining of two human beings as one is a very difficult prospect (Mark 10:8). The high divorce rate proves that this is often impossible to do. There are basic human needs in each person, some of which were never satisfied in childhood. We carry these needs with us our whole life, trying to find fulfillment for them, even in marriage.
( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow%27s_hierarchy_of_needs )
When two people marry, we take this deprivation into our new relationship. If the couple has incompatible needs or if one person insists on their own needs being met instead of their partner's, there will be conflict in the marriage. However, if the couple is willing to humble themselves and to prefer one another on a daily basis, a happy marriage is possible (Romans 12:10).
Our mate may need help with daily chores, which often overwhelm them (Galatians 6:2). Receiving a little love note or a simple gift during each day will help many other spouses to feel loved (1 Thessalonians 2:7-12). Having a meaningful, undistracted conversation, often accompanied by snuggle time, will do wonders for some relationships (Hebrews 10:24).
The easiest tool to use to ensure peace and harmony in a relationship is to never insist on one's own way. Often, one person will have a need or idea they want to fulfill, but their spouse has a different idea of how to respond to this issue. Neither of you can agree with the other person's assessment, so there is an impasse or a violent argument.
As the popular song recommends, "The road is shorter when we meet in the middle." Rather than focusing on your own needs to the exclusion of your mate's needs, look at the issue from a third perspective. Brainstorm together about the problem until you find a solution that is agreeable to both of you. Rather than your Plan A, or your spouse's Plan B, pray for God’s agenda, and agree on a Plan C about which you both feel God’s peace, even if it defies human reasoning.
Prayer:
Father God, thank You for providing us with a spouse so we can be a team in serving You throughout our life. Teach us to ask our spouse what he/she needs to feel loved. They may not even realize their basic needs, but You remind us that there is Christian help at the bookstore, counselor's office, and online. Thank You for teaching us that words are either power tools of encouragement or lethal weapons of destruction (Proverbs 18:21). It turns out that many people simply need verbal validation from their spouse to feel loved (1 Thessalonians 5:11).
Remind us that You joined us as man and woman for the purpose of serving You together with our lives. Help us to prefer one another and to share with each other what you are teaching us every day. In an impasse, remind us that You have a perfect will for this issue or activity in our life. Rather than insisting on our own way, we need to seek You together in order to find Your solution for the problem. We love You and lift You up as Lord and Savior of our life and our marriage.
Thought for the Day:
Today, there are some great resources to help us to maintain an equitable and successful marriage, starting with The Five Love Languages:
- http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/
Taking the time to use these resources can only strengthen our bond as a couple and help us to live as an example of how Jesus loves His bride. Once we learn our spouse’s love language, we can use this information to love them as they truly need to be loved and in order to give them a more secure existence in this ever-changing world. We want to bring God more glory through our every thought, word and deed, especially in our marriage.
