In times of communication, God recommends that we are quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger (James 1:19). Anger is actually a God-given emotion used to protect us from injury, but not to inflict injury on other people. Instead of blurting out angry words, we can speak the truth in love as we grow spiritually in Christ (Ephesians 4:15).
Anger is a red flag to let us know that something is wrong. The feelings of anger in our soul inform us that someone’s behavior is offensive to us, or that we are neglecting a need in our body or soul. God cautions us, however, to be slow to express negative emotions, and to guard against crossing over into sinful behavior with this possibly volatile emotion (Ephesians 4:26).
In the face of confrontation, I still make it known in no uncertain terms that the offensive behavior is not acceptable to me. However, I attempt to respond with a confident, businesslike, and resolute manner rather than to erupt in anger. Even in the face of a verbal onslaught, I try to state my feelings more clearly with firm, calm words rather than with angry, irrational ones.
My husband and I even use a notebook to write out our feelings to one another. This way we do not speak off the top of our head and potentially hurt one another. It is easier to think before we write than it is to think before we speak.
We do not need to overreact to negative behavior and divorce the person or end a friendship, but we can separate for a time and work on reconciliation between us through counseling and calm discussions. When I consult Him first, God gives me wisdom about how to word my feelings to an offending party.
I also now take my hurt feelings to the Lord before I talk to anyone else. He cares and understands me better than anyone in my life. He also answers prayers for me concerning the situation about which I am communicating to Him. Sometimes, He gives me the courage not to express my opinions or needs and to just walk away and to trust Him to care for me, which He always does.
Prayer:
Father God, remind me to use positive words to communicate how I feel and how I want to be treated. Help me to speak up for what I want and need without resorting to using negative emotions or exploding in anger. Help me to forgive the offender and to pray for their blessing, whether they ever respond positively to me or not.
How they feel about me or what they think of me has no bearing on who I am or on my relationship with You. In reality, Your opinion of me is the only one that really matters. Some people may never learn to respect what we say or listen to us when we speak; and they may never change their behavior towards us. Help us to trust You with our whole heart, as we consult You each moment of our day (Proverbs 3:5-6).
Thoughts for the Day:
Rather than to respond with anger, I learned to say:
· “I feel afraid when you …”
· “I feel like you spend more time with …. than with me. I need more of your attention.”
· “Thank you for your opinion, but I do not agree with you. Can we agree to disagree?”
· “I will walk away if you say/do that again.”
· “I think that you misunderstood the meaning behind my words/actions. Let me further explain to you how I feel (or why I took that action).”
· “I cannot change you, so you make your decision, and I will make mine.”
“A word appropriately spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.” - Proverbs 25:11
