When we are attacked for our choices and feelings, we must fight with spiritual weapons, not carnal and human ones. Our warfare is not against a person, but against the spiritual powers, which operate behind the scenes and through various people. Realizing who the real enemy is enables us to fight with the spiritual weapons which the Lord gives us (2 Corinthians 10:4).
My father reacted to life as a bipolar, rage-aholic. In my younger years, I compliantly did as I was told; but with age, I learned his behavior was ill conceived, and I started standing up for myself. I also used anger to protect my interests when anyone made a decision that affected me without including me in the decision, or when they did not listen to my feelings or my needs, discounted or ignored me, or did not take me seriously.
After I surrendered my life to Christ, I still used anger to make people take me seriously. What I did not realize is that anger is not God's way (James 1:20). Anger manipulated me into acting as a tool of the devil. He discouraged and wounded people through my outbursts of anger. The root of any issue goes deeper than human decisions, personalities, schedules, and life choices.
With time, I learned to gain the person's undivided attention and to express very firmly that my needs are either not negotiable, or that an alternate decision needs to be made with which I am more comfortable. This is an effective method if the other person is spirit-led and listens to my needs, does not discount or ignore me, and takes me seriously.
Otherwise, I make it very clear, without anger, that I am upset about the decision which is being made; and if I am forced to live with the choice, then I will make alternative decisions, which will provide for my needs. Divorce is never an option, and quitting a job before securing another one is not advisable, but we can always pray together to find a third option.
Prayer:
Father God, remind us that we are all living in spiritual warfare (1 Peter 5:8). If Satan can use some decision to split a relationship, he will do it without remorse. Your Word tells us to turn the other cheek and to go the extra mile (Mt. 5:39); but after we do this, we often need to take a stand. We can protect our self from another person's upsetting decisions and behavior, by getting counseling and by using a time of separation to work out the opposing issues needing reconciliation.
Help us to journal our feelings, to pray about the situation, to ask You to intervene on our behalf, and then to calmly try to communicate our needs to the offending person once again. Remind us that a period of separation for the purpose of reconciliation allows both parties to live apart for a time, to get counseling for our individual hang-ups and needs, and to find a way to resolve the issue, which is causing us grief. This preserves the relationship and improves it in the long run.
Thoughts for the Day:
God desires that we put the devil to flight and preserve our marriage and other relationships by preferring one another, never insisting on our own way, and laying down both sets of preferences and finding a third alternative with which we can both live happily. God’s Word and Christian counseling are relevant resources that help us to resolve issues rather than burying them in our subconscious mind to influence future issues without our conscious awareness.
- James 4:7
