None of us ever gets everything we “want” in a mate, because our fantasies do not match the reality of human nature. We end up disappointed and disillusioned. After the wedding, we take off the masks we wore in order to impress each other while dating. We do not care about impressions any longer.
During the dating process we ignore the little red flags that alert us to a contradiction in our fiancé; but after the marriage, we start to take the flags more seriously. If we are not careful, we will allow the negative aspects to corrode the feelings of love we felt prior to the wedding.
At this time, a great habit to pursue together is to focus on one another’s strengths and how much we do have in common. We may have to adopt new habits, schedules, and some of our spouse’s preferences over our own to convey our love toward one another.
Expressing our frustrations and concerns in loving and peaceful words with gentle suggestions rather than blatant accusations and name calling increases our productivity. We can carefully word our feelings, which really helps – even writing notes to each other so we can take the time to “cool off” and use kind words.
We can prefer one another, have understanding and compassion, and make compromises in areas that are not vitally important to us as individuals. There may be areas that neither of us are comfortable changing, but we can brainstorm for a third option that is acceptable for both of us.
We can set aside a quiet opportunity in an undisturbed time and location where we can share how we really feel about the issue. Praying about a third option we can both agree on will help to solve a potentially catastrophic problem and diffuse arguments.
Relationships are complicated and disconcerting even in the best of circumstances. Complaining and arguing never solved anything. This behavior adds to the problems by increasing hurt feelings and widening the emotional and physical distance between spouses.
We feel disillusioned and at odds with one another. So, it just makes sense for both of us to compromise in areas of disagreements. Prayerfully considering our options opens us up to new solutions we would not have thought about if we both clung to our personal inclinations.
Prayer:
Father God, remind us that both of us need to actively listen to each other and to care about our spouse’s point of view, even if we see no value in it. Help us to support one another and to be more flexible and companionable. This helps us to talk to one another in a normal tone, rather than yelling our feelings, which makes our spouse feel attacked and misunderstood.
Teach us not to neglect our own needs in this process. You encourage us to love one another as we love our own self because if we do not take care of our basics, we cannot have the energy to care for one another. Help us to love our spouse as You love us - unconditionally, with no animosity. We desire to communicate without hurting or belittling one another.
Thoughts for the Day:
There are free helps on the internet to discover our own and our spouse’s love languages. Until we do, we usually love our spouse in our own love language instead of theirs. This is anti-climactic at best, and it causes both of us to feel unappreciated, unloved, and misunderstood. Our efforts turn out to be useless, and we feel resentful that our spouse did not show more excitement about our efforts to express our love to them.
- https://5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/love-language
