Our teens do not mind hearing about the hardships our choices created in our teen years, but they do not want our restrictions that we impose on them because of our experiences. They want more responsibility for their own life and to be in control of their own consequences.
They think they are smarter than we are because we are too old to realize what they are experiencing. However, when they reap a negative consequence from the behavior that they sow, then they want our help and support to get them through the ordeal they caused.
Our hope is that they will learn their lesson and not repeat the pattern of behavior that caused it. They want us to rescue them from their consequences, but not to lecture them. A listening ear is better for them than criticism, anger, or a sermon about what they did wrong in the first place.
Giving them a history lesson about all their faults and poor choices only creates emotional and sometimes physical distance between them and us. However, they do not mind when we share a similar experience we endured from our poor choices.
Teens do not like questions either. Even if we are attempting to encourage a conversation, questions make them feel like we are examining them on a witness stand. They feel put on the spot, and they will shut down by giving us one-word answers and escaping to their room as soon as is possible.
Supporting our teens in their interests, and watching them as they perform in sports, the arts, the theatre, or any other venue they explore helps to keep an open relationship between us and them. We cannot expect them to keep these interests for long, because they are only dabbling in areas to find their strengths and what they truly want to pursue.
Prayer:
Father God, thank You for helping us to navigate the teen years by giving us examples and wisdom in Your Word. We cling to this advice all through our adult years because it was grasped from our own realization and experiences rather than being preached at us by well-meaning parents. Help us to realize that our teens crave our validation, even if their attitude is nonchalant or disengaged.
Remind us that our children will traverse through the teen years with more success and become capable adults with more self-reliance, and hopefully, trust in God’s Spirit in their future if we are available to them and interested in what they are interested in as we support them through these troubling years. Help us to put them in Your capable hands because we know they are more secure there than any other place – even under our attempted control to keep them safe.
Thoughts for the Day:
God’s Word encourages us to raise Godly children by disciplining them, otherwise they will bring shame upon their parents (Proverbs 29:15). There are many styles of parenting, but only one that is productive:
Permissive parenting may make us popular with our children, but it does nothing to prepare them for real life.
Neglectful parenting makes our children insecure and feel that they can only rely on themselves in life.
Authoritarian parenting limits our children’s ability to express themselves, and it forces them into our mold for them, which causes them to rebel.
Authoritative parenting is the balance that helps children feel protected, but not controlled (Proverbs 13:24). We correct them and influence them without dictating to them, and they bring us delight and serenity for our soul (Proverbs 29:12).
