Choosing to
get married is a daunting decision. It needs much prayer and thought - without
the rose colored glasses. Yes, we love one another, but the flip side of love
is hate, and that coin may flip without a moment's notice.
While
dating, we may have shared everything, never had much conflict, and enjoyed all
the same things. Will this last a lifetime? People change; and our likes,
dislikes, goals and priorities vacillate.
Will we
maintain our connectivity when the disagreements arise? Will we don boxing
gloves and insist on our own way, or will we work together to find a third
alternative on which we can both agree?
Finding a
mutually acceptable course of action increases our love for one another, and
maintains harmony in our home and relationship. We put each other's needs above
our own; yet, we do not discount or sacrifice our needs in order to "get
along."
We calmly
discuss our differences. When we realize that we are on the same side in our
marriage, we will fight together to meet each other's needs, rather than to
fight against one another and insist on meeting our own needs at the sacrifice
of our mate.
When we have
a block of uninterrupted time, clearly communicating our needs, as well as understanding
our partner's needs, helps us to avoid spur of the moment conflict.
When our
spouse brings up an infraction on our part to which they need resolution, we do
not bring up our dirty laundry list of our needs unmet by them. This is not a
competition, but an opportunity to increase our love for one another.
Once the
offended partner feels that we really care, we can then take the opportunity to
introduce our unmet needs into the conversation. They will be more open to
resolving our issues once we affirm their need as valid.
Prayer:
Father God,
help us to pay attention to our spouse's concerns, to validate their need for
fulfillment, and then to work with them to change the way we relate to one
another in that area. Remind us not to resort to name calling or disrespectful
or disparaging comments during our conversation.
Help us to
simply deal with the incident, and not to disparage their personality or
negative habits. Give us the wisdom to see the issues from their perspective
and not simply our own, and to value their feelings and opinions as valid and
worthy of our attention. Remind us that respecting and valuing one another
allows us to protect our relationship.
Thought for
the Day:
We all have
distinct needs and perspectives that are valid and need to be addressed, taken
seriously and valued as viable in order to prevent anger, resentment and
bitterness from clouding our love for one another.
