Trials and tribulation are an
inevitable part of a normal life on this sin-cursed earth. In our life, we are
constantly faced with trauma of one sort or another. Fear overwhelms us, and we
struggle with keeping our faith.
As an abuse victim in my
childhood, I spent the over half of my life trying to keep myself safe from
further trauma. I lived in fear and insecurity; therefore, I attempted to
control my life and the people in it, so that I would no longer experience the
pain of rejection, abuse and deprivation.
I thrived on the status quo in my
life remaining stable and reliable. This is where I bloomed the best. Unfortunately,
my former husband's choices kept us moving frequently.
This required me to constantly re-adjust my comfort level in order to keep myself from falling off the edge of
sanity and into the bottomless pit of anxiety and terror.
At age 43, God upended my life in
a greater way than ever before. He took away all control that I believed I had
acquired. My husband of 22 years decided that there was no option for us but
divorce.
This upheaval of the only stable
portion of my life caused me to cast aside all of the safety nets I erected
around myself. What I discovered was that these deceptive webs actually
restricted me rather than kept me safe.
At this traumatic time in my
life, I totally and irrevocably cast myself upon the Lord, because I have
always known without a doubt that He cares for me (Hebrews 13:5).
In this same time frame, I had no
job and little employable experience, but neither did I want to live in a place
where I was simply tolerated rather than cherished.
My husband recommended that I
return home with my parents and brothers, because they offered me refuge and
employment. My church counselor advised me to follow his advice, since he was
still technically my covering in Christ.
My hope was that my husband would
relocate to help care for his aging parents in a town near to where my parents
lived, and that God would put the relationship back together; this never
happened.
I was faced with having to make
my own way in the world, but I could not do it. God became my refuge and
strength on a deeper level than ever before. My intimacy with Him increases as
I learn, with each new morning, to totally surrender control to Him (Proverbs
3:5-6).
Eighteen months after I moved
back home, the Lord allowed me to meet my current husband of over two decades.
Through the years, we have learned to meld together with one another in unity
in body, soul and spirit, as well as with God's Spirit (Psalm 133:1).
We appreciate and cherish one
another and have fun together - doing things that we both enjoy. I am safely
tucked under the shadow of the Almighty's wings, and I feel secure regardless
of the circumstances in my life.
Prayer:
Father God, Your Spirit taught me
that being breakable is not the end of the world. Your power is released in us
when we are broken, adaptable and obedient to Your will. This attitude frees us
from the futility of attempting to control life in our human abilities.
I learn that when we explode into
fragments, it is in the power of Your grace that we survive. Please turn all of
our shattered pieces into a collage for Your glory; and give us the courage to
face another day through Your love, peace and strength within us. Lead us in
Your everlasting way and bring us to the place where we totally trust in Your
love and provision for our life (Psalm 139:24).
Thought for the Day:
Living each day immersed in an intimate relationship with the Trinity allows us to face trials with joy, and to actually look forward to this new adventure in which God has surely planted a seed for a miracle.
Living each day immersed in an intimate relationship with the Trinity allows us to face trials with joy, and to actually look forward to this new adventure in which God has surely planted a seed for a miracle.
- James 1:2-4
