I spent the first third of my life searching for my identity as I grew from an infant to a woman. After high school, I married and had three children, each eighteen months apart. I supported my husband’s goals and ministry as Sarah served Abraham (1 Peter 3:6), centering my focus on him and his needs.
In the churches he pastored, I taught in the children’s ministries, as well as discipled and mentored the women. I busily served God vicariously through my ministry to my family and our church. Eventually, my obsessive busyness pervaded every moment of my life.
Years earlier, I came to understand my need for a relationship with the true and living God through Jesus Christ. Since then, I knew God, yet I did not know how to be one with Him (John 17:21). I loved Him, claimed His promises for my life, and spent my days trying very desperately to please Him.
I knew my eternal Salvation was guaranteed by Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross. However, I was so active for God that these distractions prevented a qualitative relationship with Him. I knew of Him, and what He meant to me, but I did not have a deep unity with Him that I now know is possible to every Believer.
I stayed at home with my children in their toddler years, and when we started traveling in the ministry, I homeschooled them through part of their elementary and middle school years. Then when we stopped traveling, I continued to center my life around my husband’s and children’s needs, activities, and interests during their high school years.
I went to every ball game, band concert, art exhibit, school function, church program, and Taekwondo event they participated in. I taught them the importance of salvation through Jesus, how to cook, keep up their own laundry, clean a home, and to balance their checkbook. Then, they launched out into college, one right after the other.
One day during my quiet time, the empty nest syndrome was particularly heavy on my heart. I thought about the disciples in the upper room. They waited for days for the Holy Spirit of God to come to them, as Jesus promised (Acts 2:1-6; Luke 24:49). I decided to wait quietly on the Lord too. This became my own personal Pentecost.
During this time of sitting still before the Lord, I also went to work for a few hours a day at a fast-food restaurant. Thankfully, my boss identified with my place in life. She pointed out to me that I was a person too. She reminded me that I could minister to my own needs, just like I ministered to the needs in others.
She showed me that it was not necessary for me to find my identity through my husband or children, or to codependently wait on my children, a husband, or a best friend to make me happy or fulfilled. Even now, I continue to sit quietly at Jesus’ feet throughout the day and night, and He never fails to meet with me (Luke 10:42).
Prayer:
Father God, even when I am alone, I am never lonely. Your unconditional love transcends any lapse in the circumstances of my life. You are truly all we need. As we abide in You, we have Your love that surpasses anything available to us on this human plane. Each and every day, You fill us through all of our being with all Your fullness, and You give us the richest measure of Your Spirit (Ephesians 3:16-19, Amplified Bible).
You are our God of hope, and You fill us with Your joy and peace. We trust in You alone, without expectations, and we overflow with hope by the power of Your Holy Spirit (Romans 15:13). You require that we completely empty our self of all our negative thoughts and feelings. The hollow place within us, that this emptying leaves behind, eventually fills with Your presence that transcended all the circumstances in our life (Philippians 4:6-7).
Thought for the Day:
We are complete in Christ, lacking nothing (Colossians 2:10; Psalm 23:1; James 1:4). We are sufficient with Christ within us to live as a whole and complete person (Colossians 2:10). We truly feel like we are one with Christ, just as He and God are one (John 17:21). We totally surrender our will and our life to His Spirit’s direction.
