My husband adamantly proclaimed to me that there is such a thing as a wife being too supportive. He clarified his assertion to mean unsolicited advice. He likes my feedback when he asks for it, but he resents it when I “mother” him. This makes him feel belittled and that I am condescending.
As a nurturing person, I tend to “mother” everyone. My best friends are those that “mother” me too. I love to be mothered because it makes me feel the person genuinely cares about me. I since learned that there is a difference between nurturing and empathizing.
The experts say that empathizing is an outstanding quality in a sincere and successful relationship. Sympathy is like empathy, but a response that arises from less of an emotional, sad reaction and more from an impassive, yet caring reply. We ask how we can be supportive, rather than lecturing or imposing our advice.
Dwelling on the past - or getting “historical” as my husband terms it, is another issue that is offensive. In Christ, our sins are forgiven and forgotten – cast as far away from us as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12). Involving this same attitude in our marriage allows us to leave the past behind us and to end each day with a fresh promise for tomorrow.
Marrying our best friend ensures that we are compatible and in sync with one another. We already love one another, genuinely care about each other, and know each other’s weaknesses at the same time that we appreciate the other’s individual strengths.
All that may be missing is the passion that often attracts us to a potential mate. However, passion is fleeting. God’s Word, unlike most modern movies and books, declares that the heart cannot be trusted (Jeremiah 17:9-10). Yet, these ardent, passionate desires usually occur when we marry our best friend because the foundation of love and commitment is already there.
Prayer:
Father God, thank You for teaching us that our choices play an important role in the dissolution or success of our marriage. Remind us that choosing to forgive and to keep the spark of love active in our relationship will help us to daily renew, in our heart, our vows of love for each other. We focus more on one another strong points than on what we perceive as our spouse’s weaknesses.
Remind us that taking each other for granted is one of the satanic strategies to ruin a relationship. Expressing gratitude, even for the smallest and simplest of caring efforts on our spouse’s part encourages that action, as well as other considerate behaviors. Teach us that choices rather than emotions are more reliable thermostats for a successful union. When we choose to act lovingly, we will actually feel more love flow between us.
Thoughts for the Day:
A good marriage requires hard work, commitment, open but loving honesty, and most importantly … forgiveness of our self and one another. Neglecting one another and allowing a demanding vocation or challenging children to come between us and our spouse is very unwise. Working together to minimize these distractions – possibly even changing to a less demanding career – helps us to put our marriage closer to the top of our list of priorities.
