It saddens me to see or hear people who want to control their own life. They put so much effort into something that is harder to do than squeezing tooth paste back into a tube. I understand where they are coming from, because I was raped at age 12, and I vowed no one would ever control me again.
I repressed the memory and used anger as my go-to method to protect myself, or I simply stomped my Italian foot in anger and vehemently proclaimed that I would not submit to their choice. My parents said I became a stubborn teenager, but I realized that though I could not alter another’s decisions, I could make my own decisions that I felt would keep me safe.
Thankfully, I came to know Jesus as my eternal Savior at age 18, and I realized that He was now my guardian. His Spirit started the sanctifying process of exchanging my negative personality traits with His fruit (Galatians 5:22-23). Unfortunately, at that time, I still attempted to control my circumstances and the people in my life who made decisions that affected me.
All through those years, Daddy God tried to lead me to turn control of my life over to His providential care, but I did not trust Him. I did not trust anyone or anything to keep me safe, except myself. I suffered emotionally due to this decision because of a lack of peace and joy, and it ruined my relationships as well.
I did not remember this life-altering event that formulated my self-protective attitude, until I was 45 years old. God led me to a counselor where I learned to use Transformation Prayer to discover the root of my negative emotions.
- https://www.transformationprayer.org/preparing-journey-introduction/
It took a divorce from my first husband to make me start learning to completely lean on God and to trust Him with my whole heart, not just part of it. At this time of divorce, I had no skills to provide for myself, and no future on the horizon. I was free-falling through time with no plan or purpose.
I went to my favorite place – under the shadow of God’s wings - and I started to pray about my circumstances. Thankfully, I learn to listen to and to follow the direction of God’s Spirit because I finally realized that God is always in control and has my best interests in His heart (Proverbs 19:21).
Prayer:
Father God, Your plan of salvation was unfolding even before You created the earth (1 Peter 1:10; Revelations 13:8). You are always so good - even in Your justice and judgments (Psalm 18:30-36). Thank You for spoiling Your adopted children endlessly and walking in us and with us through every trial we ever face on this earth (Romans 8:15; Colossians 1:27-18). We owe You all our praise and glory.
Thank You for helping me to walk away from my sinful, prideful, and self-centered lifestyle, and to RUN into Your waiting arms of love, security, peace, and joy. I love to cuddle under the safety of Your wings (Psalm 91:1-16), and to put my trust wholly and completely in Your will for my life (Proverbs 3:5-6). Nothing can ever happen to me that You cannot handle. I praise You continually and seek Your face forevermore (Isaiah 55:6-13).
Thoughts for the Day:
It is better to trust the Lord than to put confidence in people, finances, our self, or anything else (Psalm 20:7-9). People are human just like us and can fail us without even meaning to (Psalm 118:8). God is our only salvation, and we can trust in Him without fear. He is our strength and song (Isaiah 12:2). He is our God of hope, and He fills us with His joy and peace when we believe in and trust only in the saving grace of Jesus Christ (Romans 15:13).
