The
difference between fulfillment and tolerance in any relationship is consistency
and compassion. Together we decide what traditions and habits we will develop
to increase our unity, and to keep it strong, and we do our best to meet each
other's needs.
So
often we have unspoken requests in our relationship that are never fulfilled.
We fail to communicate honestly and openly, and we harbor resentments instead.
Communicating our true feelings and needs will cement our trust and increase
our intimacy.
However,
this requires vulnerability, and we fear getting hurt, being misunderstood,
falsely accused, or unfairly judged. This causes us to suffer in silence, but
it also erects a wedge that disrupts the unity of our marriage.
As
scary as communication is at times, honesty and vulnerability are necessary to
keep any relationship strong. Our partner may be harsh, critical, outspoken or
aggressive, but taking a chance by expressing our heart-felt needs is vitally
important to increasing our understanding of one another.
Expecting
one another to discern our needs without us sharing them, and assuming that
he/she should know our thoughts, motives, feelings, and needs is not realistic.
We are not mind-readers, and communication is imperative.
Intimacy-killers
mount up in a marriage. Fault-finding is at the top of the list. Focusing on
what our mate does wrong and expressing our negativity in body language,
attitude and words is very destructive. We tend to nit-pick at inconsequential
issues.
Instead,
we can catch each other doing something good. This way we can give complements,
focus on the positive, and build up each other's self-esteem. A good habit to
develop is to specifically tell our mate why we admire and appreciate them, and
why we love being married to them.
Prayer:
Father
God, teach us to leave little notes, send emails or texts, etc. that
specifically tell our spouse how much we appreciate them and why. Help us to
let our guard down and to express appreciation for those little acts of
kindness and provision that our mate does for us every day. Remind us to focus
more on what we can do for our spouse, than on what we want them to do for us.
We are not free slave labor for each other in our marriage, we are co-heirs
with Jesus of Your Kingdom
Help
us to learn these little truths that will draw us into deeper intimacy: we can
work together in ministries for Your glory, share hobbies, enjoy Bible study
times at home and with our church family, read the same book and discuss it,
and play together with walks in nature, exercise, dance, board games, watching
the same TV shows or movies, attending sporting events together, etc. Thank You
for helping us to strengthen our marriage.
Thought
for the Day:
There
is a greater difference between men and woman than our physical make-up: women
need at least five meaningful kisses and hugs a day to feel intimate in
marriage, and they also need to feel cherished and appreciated, rather than
taken for granted; men need to be admired, respected and encouraged that they
are doing a great job; these blessings go a long way in increasing our intimacy
with one another.
