If we value
our interpersonal relationship, we will take whatever strides are necessary to
resolve any conflicts between us. Burying them in our subconscious, or silently
grumbling about the issues is as counter-productive as getting upset over them.
Requesting
time with our mate to chat about what is bothering us gives both of us time to
"cool off" and to logically plan what we want to discuss. This is not
for the purpose of forcing our mate to do things our way, but to find a third
alternative that fulfills both of us.
At these
times, it is important not to give-in to keep the peace, to be a doormat, to attempt
to control or to force a decision from our mate, etc. In order to resolve the
issue, it is imperative that we find an equitable solution for both of us.
We may get
emotional about the issue when we are in the middle of the conflict, but
requesting a meeting for the purpose of reconciliation will bring resolution
quicker and more peacefully. The key to success is to talk about one issue at a
time, and resist the urge to blame each other for the problem.
Defensively
attempting to prove to our mate that their offenses are much greater than ours
is also counterproductive. Allow the one who calls the meeting to express their
concern first and thoroughly discuss the issue until it is resolved.
We do not
insist on our own way or attempt to "win" the argument. We put our
spouse's need first, and pray together for God's wisdom to settle the conflict.
Then, we can use whatever time we have left, or plan another time for a conversation,
in order to address a different current concern.
Prayer:
Father God,
thank You for helping us to identify the actual problem behind our dispute.
Help us to stick to one topic at a time in order to resolve it. Remind us to
make a list of alternative solutions in order to pray about the one that will
bring fulfillment to both of us. Help us to show compassion and support for one
another, because two people solving an issue is much easier than trying to
overlook or to half-heartedly accept one answer (Ecclesiastes 4:12).
Help us to
see that our spouse is not the "enemy", but is also a wounded
traveler on planet earth. You brought us together to share our strengths in
order to overcome our weaknesses, and to create a life that is best for both of
us, which keeps us in the very center of Your will for us.
Thought for
the Day:
When a
couple has a major difference in opinion, values, perspective or world-view, a
resolution will unite us and increase our love for one another; committing to
resolve conflicts together is a productive practice that will strengthen our
marriage and life together as a family.
